If you are simultaneously guiding your children into adulthood (or through their early years) while ensuring your aging parents are safe and cared for, you are officially part of the Sandwich Generation. It’s a role that requires time, emotional energy and a steady money plan. The situation is tough and it’s okay to acknowledge that.
At some point in their lives, many New Brunswickers will find themselves providing care for an older or vulnerable family member. In fact, one in four Canadians play the important role of helping an older loved one. Finfo has information and tools to help you keep your financial health intact and navigate this stage of life with less stress.
Start out by assessing the financial needs of everyone in the “sandwich”, including yourself. This is the first step in taking control and moving from worry to clarity. Understand the financial reality of your parents, your children, and most importantly, you.
For a lot of us, money conversations are uncomfortable. But if you are called on by your loved one to assist in dealing with your loved one’s finances, these conversations are a crucial part of the equation.
Your children, especially when they are young, rely on you for practically everything – food, clothing, housing, transportation, love and support. Your children watch and learn from you, so as they grow help them develop important financial life skills. As your children grow and move out into the world on their own, you’ll need to balance generosity and wanting to help them financially with giving them the space to manage their own money. It is especially important to make sure that if you are considering loaning your children money for a large purchase or co-sign on a loan that it is an expense that fits into your financial plan over and above your own current and future financial needs. And if you become a grandparent, don’t forget about your own financial, emotional and time needs. You can still be a special part of their lives even if you have healthy boundaries to protect your other commitments and interests.
Start by having an honest, gentle conversation with your parents or in-laws about their money. If you or your spouse have siblings, consider inviting them to the conversation so they can contribute to the care needs. What are their income sources (like CPP, OAS, and pensions)? Where are their debts? What savings or insurance policies do they have tucked away? Do they have a power of attorney (POA)? Have they named a Trusted Contact Person? Talk about their wishes for medical care and end-of-life decisions before a crisis hits. Knowing these facts helps you plan for their future without being constantly surprised by costs.
Finfo’s “Record Keeper” can help you gather and keep all this important information in one place.
It’s natural to want to give generously to your kids and parents, but emotional spending can lead to financial stress. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so don’t forget about your own financial health and planning. Review your budget to see what you can realistically contribute to your adult children or parents or in-laws care without putting your own financial future in jeopardy. Supporting loved ones at the expense of your own retirement plan or financial security helps no one. Set clear boundaries and communicate openly with your family. Saying "no" or “not right now” doesn’t mean you don’t care; it means you’re protecting everyone’s long-term stability.
Finally, remember you are not an island. Caregiver burnout is real. If you have siblings or other trusted family members, bring them into these conversations to share the load. Delegate tasks formally: one person handles taxes, another manages transportation, and a third takes on household tasks. Regular, open communication prevents misunderstandings and resentment. It transforms a solo struggle into a shared team effort.
You are doing demanding, beautiful work. By establishing these plans and boundaries, you are securing your parents' dignity, protecting your children's future, and ultimately, safeguarding your own peace of mind.